no its okay don't call 911, she's alive. just stopped by her house and banged on her door. she said she turned her phone off because she "had to be alone with her shame and embarassment". typical.
why does the wii remote smell like your vag?
Note to self: never do anything I don't want to explain to a paramedic
The only reason anyone found out he threw up is because everyone heard it sizzle the bonfire out.
she passed out facedown in my lap while I was playing piano. 11 years of piano lessons finally paid for themselves.
She just came home holding a fire hydrant. Yes a fire hydrant.
Thanks for the viagra you gave me last night. I ended up getting called in to work to cover a shift. So I had to tell Kayla that I couldn't hang out and I had to try and hide my dick all night while walking serving people food all night.
It was like 10 tiny penises being shoved in my vagina.
Does being an adult mean drunkenly signing for your tax return from a foreign country? If so, I've reached adulthood.
My cat just smacked my blunt from my hand and then put her head in my hand. I don't know how to feel
You were drunkenly dancing with a statue you affectionately referred to as "The Captain." I wasn't going to deny your happiness.
I kind of just assumed by how he whisked eggs that he would be bad in bed.
I've never been so turned off by an omelet.
Honestly the prospect of dick really lifts a girl's spirits
I can't dude. Last time I was there, I blew the bartender in the bathroom at last call.
I feel like i'm being yelled at when you type in all caps.Did you just have bad sex?
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