I think my emotional moodswings have reached a new low. I cried for the entire duration of changing my tampon.
so I think I'm done having sex with her, she's way too crazy
what about the blowjobs for adderall?
no those are still okay
I just looked at all of our spring break pictures... there's a guy getting a blow job in the background of the ones on the beach.
Don't make me out to be the bad guy. You practically MADE me cum on your food.
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I don't know what's worse....that fact that my dog ate my vibrator or that he later puked it up on my bed
You may have noticed the broken smoke detector and melted carpet. We may have accidentally lit a ping pong ball on fire...I'm sorry, but we did our best.
playing nyquil roulette. it entails taking shots of nyquil and hoping it doesnt kick in during sex or in public. game on.
So the old dude that tried to fight me is definitely Katie's dad. And the pot cookie's kicking in. Shit is getting weird.
It's embarrassing enough people in my life are aware of the ridiculous things that happen to me. I don't think we need to get the whole world involved.
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She just spat tequila at me... Like a fountain... A broken fountain
Got a high five from a Superman stripper tonight
Slap a cop in the butt for a felony charge. Check.
I couldn't figure out what was more important, finishing the shot or putting out the fire on my leg.
We just FaceTimed and I put an Oreo in my vagina for him. Now he has to fly across the globe for me.
Dude, I danced with Abe Lincoln! How could last night have been any better???
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