I just went in my fridge and said to my turkey "see you thursday". I seriously have issues
Seriously. Doesn't matter if I went out last night, work is like crafts class w.a side of facebook
I'm relatively certain my chiropractor just judged me for admitting that my back is misaligned from the sex we had last night...
Said he had been eating pineapple for a week before our 1st date. Not sure if thankful for his consideration or offended by his assumption.
Who the hell poured a whole pouch of Capri Sun down my throat last night?
He tricked me into going on a double date with him, I don't like that he's not using me for just sex anymore
Somewhere between the 30 minutes of cunnilingus, the improvised song about the Olympics, and the super thoughtful shower beer... I knew I married the right guy
There was blow residue on my chem book and my TA was like, did u stain your notebook with CaCO3?
Winning pick four numbers were just 6969... if I were 18 I could've won 20,000 dollars.
The kitchen also doubles as a screaming room after midnight as long as you have something to muffle the sound
Road head absolutely translates. That's the beauty of road head... It's so portable!
When I woke up this morning I swear my mouth tasted like dick and rolaids.
Dude, exfoliate your balls. you'll thank me later.
The guy next to me on the bus has one hole in his jeans that has over 20 mini dicks drawn on his leg. Classic.
Guess who cheated on their SATs? Also on the same line guess who's getting in to Princeton at damn near free of charge?
Randomize
