god i wish i could take a shit and a shower at the same time
So I'm going back to my apartment just to get my vibrator.
I thought you were moving in with your boyfriend for the summer?
Well....one will keep me from having to pay rent and the other satisfies. I'll let you figure it out.
If he looks like a Gremlin DO NOT get him wet.
brittany murphy hurts far more than michael jackson, patrick swayze, etc because i never masturbated to any of those other people
I heard from anne today. She has a broken collarbone and is knocked up. Apparently florida is awesome
Just got physical proof that at 6 am i was running around with raw potatoes threatening to mash them on his floor. Hello, Mobile uploads
I mean... It's a win/win situation. I mentor the kid for an hour and then I get to fuck his mom. I know deep down I'm helping them both
Also, not pregnant! Way to go uterus! Good job on being a team player!
Dont get mad at me, it takes two to tango
IT TAKES ONE TO EJACULATE INTO THE OTHER WITHOUT CONSENT, AND SPOILER ALERT, ITS THE ONE WITH A SCROTUM FULL OF SEMEN.
I have a taco in my pocket for later because I am a practical drunk
Steve brought 6 joints and 2 bottles of makers mark, Josh shat himself in the pool, and Amy blew me. Hope that extra 3 dollars an hour for working overnights is still worth it.
I basically go to him for great dick and great memes.
Woke up with a bed full of sand...care to explain?
Isnt is self explanatory?
You threw a beachball full of vodka at me and yelled I CHOOSE YOU then ran
You laid on the floor and pet their rug. and then demanded Voss water.
Randomize
