hell yes lets make some ravioli
I am in shape. i keep telling you that.
Round is not "in shape," it's "a shape."
Just got my period. I'm not pregnant with Scott's child and I won't be having any sex tonight. This must be what they mean by bittersweet.
There is an old man sitting across from me. Phone rang and his ringtone is children giggling, I'm not safe here.
then we talked for a little and he asked my last name which since I have yet to get a fb request I'm 95% sure its for a restraining order
I'm quite proud of this turning point from one night stands to giving some guy a BJ to fix my car for free.
Apparently she buried shit in the snow back in January and now that it's melted I found a flip flop, 4 spoons, a bottle of smirnoff, and 14 different candy bars
The only way to make beer can wizard staffs any better is to sew your own wizards robe and hat to go along with it. welcome to tuesday nights at my new apartment
So. Do you think marshmallow vodka in hot chocolate while eating a graham cracker would = s'mores?
In some strange universe, yes
I just feel like you're using me for sex.
I'm glad you finally understand the context of our relationship
She gatecrashed the wedding and managed to get an invite to the open bar reception. Lucky bitch
Yeah man... I ordered donuts, drank wine, and cried to a movie with Seth Rogen in it. Do you really think I have my shit together?
He bought the 12 pack of condoms. I take that as a sign of serious commitment.
if you're not jumping for joy when you see penis then you're looking at the wrong ones.
I'm not going to tell you how to live your life, which includes naming your schlong
Randomize
