You might not want to sit on your couch. Actually you may want to throw it away. My bad.
the last thing i remember is unlocking the door. its like i was literally opening the door to my blackout
You drunk dialed me talking about the stages of mitosis. There is no way you didn't ace your bio final
It's not fair. Guys with dicks that huge should not be allowed to be catholic.
She didn't even ask about the dinosaur pinata in my trunk. Like at this point I think these are the things she expects from me
After we fucked he shhhh'd me and said your welcome
She passed out in his mom's bed and when we went to go get her she went 'no its cool I live here'.
I'm covered in egg mcmuffin wrappers and my room smells like dead hooker.
but we were going camping. it only made sense to bring the 6 ft bong
Last year you twerked on my Christmas tree and threw up all over the bathroom...in front of my parents. We should probably keep power hour to ONLY an hour this year
I snuck out three pillows from the hotel i was rolling so hard. They are like little clouds. I regret nothing.
He wants another date...I mean he's cute, but I just am not ready to give up my glamorous single-girl lifestyle here.
you mean the one where you drink out of the carton and don't wear pants?
Yeah, and pee with the door open. It's the little things.
I walked past his mum on the way out and she offered me toast in a napkin "for my travels". Being home from uni is weird.
So my furniture is upside-down, two lamps are glued to the ceiling, and there is a kitten sleeping on Kyle's face. Please tell me what happened last night....
No I come to this class stoned every week. Except last week when I was drinking in class
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