i was gonna tell him a really embarassing story about you, but then i remembered im in all of them
My doctor just informed me that my food allergies qualify me for a medical marijuana license. I get it on Tuesday. It won't help at all, but my life is awesome!
She asked me why there was $2 in the lunchmeat drawer of the fridge and BBQ sauce all over the kitchen... I'm not sure but I know it has something to do with you
Oh I also wanted to thank you for leaving your list of porn sites on the coffee table. Very entertaining.
There's nothing like sitting directly behind someone you fucked 5 years ago at church on Easter Sunday
Did you just reference Ludacris during my possible pregnancy scare of 2012?!
I just puked behind a tree outside work, then walked past my manager with puke in my hair. Man, I'm gonna miss this when I get a real job.
I think all the stress in my life right now can be directly correlated with never winning a game of Bop It as a child.
I went to the obgyn with chipped nail polish.. Somewhere Beyonce was looking down, shaking her head, whispering "Not fierce."
I take pride in being a married 31 year old who sleeps on her best friend's bathroom floor from time to time.
All I'm saying is that if you have time for a 20 min shower bj you have time for me
so you 69ed him in the parking lot of your apartment
yah I won't allow him in my apartment
He gave me a box of cheez-its after sex, does that make me a hooker?
He keeps singing a song about someone called the dayman.
....fighter of the Nightman?
If I wanna spend the whole night tied up and getting railed I'm allowed to do so
Randomize
