I cant go down on him yet. All ive had to eat is olives and percocet. semen would only add to tomorow mornings discomfort.
You don't give head? I'm offended and I don't even have a cock...
I should just throw a hundred dollar bill into the wind and walk away... save myself the hangover.
i came out of the bathroom and he had christmas lights wrapped up his leg, around his boner, and down the other side
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Go for the frenulum. Its like eating a popsicle. They go nuts with that shit.
Watching Blossom reruns on YouTube. Eating Pringles dipped in hot chocolate. Not taking this breakup well.
Literally been drinking for 10 hours. Hammered. Roasted chestnuts fell out of my shirt earlier.
I can hear her blowing you man. All I hear is her saying 'yeah' over and over again.
Next time we're there I want drunk pics of us trying to ride the stone lions downtown. Don't even attempt to fight me on this.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Just started taking liver support pills. Welcome to Senior year.
Come down. Bring Jorts. We're getting ready for this tricycle race like champions.
Fun new game when high: sorting socks. Took forever. Was awesome.
You just referred to a pillow with a stolen bra strapped to it as "she". Let that sink in for a minute.
Only in the emergency room do they shut the door when youre laughing too hard
Also—I just realized that your wedding gift is still on my dining room table. So...as awful as I am for not yet sending it (and I still need your address), at least I didn’t bring my screaming children to potentially the most important day of your life?
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