WOAH SHIT! That wasn't my girlfriend last night.
I am tired of kissing girls with mustaches.
We need to start having sex underwater more often.
I think thats the most anyones ever pregamed for rollerskating
I can't remember if the bartender cut you off after you broke your glass or after you wished the bar a happy winter solstice during your karaoke number.
Ummm. I just wanna say this now: Don't let me invite the band back to the apartment to see my stripper pole.
He spent 6 hours at the ER after crashing a motorcycle and still came to the bar, Ofcourse I went home with him. He's my hero.
you went over to those random dudes and told them you were an ordained minister and would like to bless their food. they laughed and agreed, then you said "now bow your heads in prayer" as soon as they did you grabbed a taco off their tray and bolted out the door.
I was galloping around pretending to give birth to pbrs. I could have used a mask.
Lesson learned. Don't roleplay with a real knife.
I'm on the porch day drinking and the neighbor is in his yard screaming about his amazing sandwiches, maybe we should move.
I'm going to the store to get corona, salad, and blunt wraps...
I'm just now realizing I've slept with guys from three different decades over the past year. That's gotta be some sort of record.
Banged a guy with 2 broken arms once. Top that
Well, for starters, you were growling and slurping beer from a puddle on the carpet. Let's all hope that was beer...
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