I think I breastfed the cat at some point during the night, at least that's what my nipples are saying
I wasted some perfectly good semen on her
You just kept saying "I want my babies to look like you."
At least you have booty calls.
True. I just waste them though. I feel like I need to be told "there are people in this world who would give anything for just one and you have two." You know in that same tone your parents told you about the starving people in china
The hot guy sitting next to me in the lib is reading a book called "Impersonal sex in public places." How wrong would it be to give him my number when I bounce?
I don't think she considers it a date unless she publicly urinates
I realized after pounding back 151 and head banging into each other to "the drop" of that dub step song, that we weren't meant to have boyfriends at this point in time.
New guy at work just gave me a Percocet for my headache. Officially best friends
I'm almost too old to be on The Real World but feel like I'm too young to be on The Bachelor and I'm just really confused with my place in life.
Please tell me those naked pics were not your mom. Lie if you have to.
I wanna snuggle with you as we feed each other chipotle burrito bowls and that's just where I'm at right now
69'd by candlelight when the power went out.
Just got an email from match.com trying to match me with My ex..I nearly pissed myself laughing
Come on in and take your pants off
So...I'm pretty sure I have officially determined that reverse cowgirl is the only position possible to have sex in my smart four two
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