I cant believe we actually had a nipple party!
since when did accompanying a guy to a wedding mean that anal was required that night?
You went to church with your boobs hanging out?
Theyr'e a gift from god, I figured I should show him i'm using them well.
Nothing says "This dudes gotta go" better than a boner on your back waking you @ 5 in the morning
He just made a mudslide using rubinoff and swiss miss packets. This can't end well....
Good lord, they've set up every firework to be ignited by a trail of gasoline at midnight. God save us all.
She just referred to her vagina as "this bitch".
Annabeth just got on the bar and slurred something about how she was worried that when she started dating you your penis wouldnt fit. You are one lucky bastard my friend.
Just gave a blow job while wearing a shirt that says 'world's coolest mom' idk how my conscience feels...
My roommate is watching gummy bears "race" from a mega-marshmallow to his lava lamp.
I inhaled my own vomit, how was your night?
I "liked" his changed relationship status just to show him I'm ok with the fact he found someone not as pretty as me
While we were having sex he asked me if I wanted to get wingstop after. I think I found my future husband.
He said he discovered the mysteries of the universe inside an orange... I want whatever he was on.
Preface: Im drunk. But i think id make a good assasin. That is all.
Randomize
