You were so drunk last night you typed www.face.come/cheese.com as if you were logging into facebook.
I've never seen anyone write a check for a bar tab before
Easy for you to say! His first impression of you isn't the drunk girl in a turtle costume who got hit by a car!
We started telling people we were married, and then we hooked up on a park bench
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
If i theoretically had to put an iv back in what do I need to do?
I still think the kiddie pool full of jello option is worth exploring. Just sayin'.
He is just a personification of a vodka hangover.
Yes. Sex with questionable women, and made of potatoes.
you owe me at least a beer for the services my girlfriend just provided for you
I am sending my doctor an XXXMas card thanking him for my tits!
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
i told him I'd let him eat part of a weed cookie out of my cleavage, so he pulled over like a gentleman.
this hospital has no fireball
Don't drink and shop. I went for happy hour and came home with a fog machine. I now have no other choice but to scare the shit out of my neighbors with it.
Just fantasized about my boss's fingers in a meeting. I desperately need to get some.
Wish me luck on my new penis adventure
It's not my fault I make her feel like a Taylor Swift album
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