If I ever start a band I'm gonna name it "Nancy Reagan's Vagina"
we all know badassery is carried on the XX chromosome
I gave ten strangers a full description of his penis and its abilities. I need to stop drinking.
I take your lack of response to mean that your hands are taped to 40 ounces of something.
Would you be offended if I asked you to smoke a blunt with me while I pooped?
I just tried to text you by typing "whoa" into my contacts.
The little girl I babysit saw pink plastic shot glasses in my car and asked what they were for and I told her they were princess teacups.
After my date left I rallied and took the Asian girl home. Flexibility my friend.
does doing it on an automatic sink count as shower sex?
I'm going to fake an anxiety attack to get to the front of the line. Save me some brisket.
If one of us has to be polite I guess I won't sneak out while he's in the shower
I told him I wanted to get on him and ride him to Montana. It didnt end like i thought it would.
You know your late night booty call was a huge fail when you go back to your car after it's over, and it's still warm.
It's my birthday. I should be drinking mimosas in a top hat, not working.
Only you could get too drunk for taco bell. I don't know if I'm jealous or ashamed. Go to bed.
Randomize
