So I just walked into the bathroom, and there was this kid, talking to his mom, while taking a shit. I flushed the toilet next to him and heard him say into the phone, "No, I'm not. I'm in my dorm."
nothing cures the holiday blues like an open bar
and I'm going to name my autobiography "blow jobs with enthusiasm are the best"
I'm naming my autobiography "Reasons Not to Date Girls From Texas."
While we were having sex he told me "this is what you get for not parking my car right" I have never drove his car. He was that kind of weird.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
You fed me milk from the beer bong because you thought it would "Sober you up" .
you just kept bragging about how there was a "pretty large" chance that you had pooped on the same toilet as George Clooney
I'm single as of 11 minutes ago. I was the chick who drunkenly tried to climb into bed with you 2 weeks ago. Wanna make this happen?
If anyone could figure out how to pee on someone's soul, it would be you.
You always know what to say to make me feel better.
I just gagged from thinking about the amount of tequila we will be drinking. DRUNK TUESDAYS
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
It's fine. I wouldn't trust either of them to be my workplace drug buddy.
I almost took a picture but it looked like he might have a shank and I'm just not at a place in my life where I could handle having tetanus
How ya feelin sunshine?
Like a million dollars! ... That has been hit by a bus, drowned under water and beat repeatedly by a shovel.
Nothing says "sober up, you whore" quite like an early morning PAP smear.
dude the dog literally grabbed the condom out of the trash can and threw it in the air i'm screaming
easy for you to say. you're not the one who has to explain why you woke up with a pineapple and a used condom.
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