Her sister's ass was worth my getting thrown out of the house.
I left when they started reinacting what appeared to be a jerry springer episode
i used baking grease as lip gloss
just found a shoebox labled "emergency smoking box"... it has a lightbulb, 2 potatoes, a dried up flower, and a button that says "stop drop and roll". what did we do last night?!
It's 2:30 on a Friday afternoon. It's snowing and must be about 20 degrees outside. I'm sitting in this class with 300 people using up every ounce of energy and willpower not to puke all over the girl in front of me. This has got to stop.
She straight up told me, "I don't care if he films as long as he's quiet." You sure you can't find the camera?
A "Tom-vomit" is when you puke but cough as it comes up, so you close you mouth as a natural reaction and the vomit is jet-propelled out your noise.
He told me he deactivated his facebook because his girlfriend caught him wackin it to my profile picture.
10 points to you
I've hit an all time low I just sent a boob pict to fat Randall the one I gave a partial bj to a year a a half ago
I was just tryna bring you beer girl. I should've known you'd be shirtless though
"Because this is an ongoing legal matter" is how his morning after sex text began. So...
Whose panties are you wearing on your head and why are you sending me pics of it?
So I figured out why that guy from Tinder stopped messaging me back. He got married.
It was all going good until I realized she was wearing underwear with a butt flap. Mission aborted.
He deliberately gets me high because he knows I fuck better and then I make food for two. I don't know if I should feel mad or proud of him for thinking that far.
Randomize
