You Definitely drank the goldfish bowl like it was a giant margarita
Letd wlk him
Lrtd walek hime
Lets wlk home,,,ther we go
A woman in the waiting room at the STD clinic told me that she is going to pray to jesus for my penis.
and people in Baltimore still get a bad wrap.
i scrubbed and i scrubbed and i scrubbed and i still was a whore
so i was just informed that i sang that song "pop that pussy ayyy pop that pussy" at the halloween party saturday. iembarrassing.
I was in a threesome last night that turned into a violent domestic dispute with damage to a hotel. Wish you were there!
Meh. I'll learn enough German to ask her for a handjob, then I'm out
You never cease to amaze me.
oh, it's pms. I almost cried yesterday bc my roommates didn't seem perky enough when I got home.
Just mindlessly walked into the mens bathroom. My vagina has now become its own independent being, looking for penises. I'm just along for the ride.
he needs to stop knowing everyone on campus...it's making cheating on him really difficult.
I need Jameson.
Yea? How do you think I feel? Your job during the delivery is to keep that flask ready. The moment our kid pops out, I'm taking a shot.
I ACCIDENTALLY HOOKED UP WITH A GUY WHO HAS A NICHOLAS CAGE POSTER ABOVE HIS BED I CANT HANDLE LIFE.
The universe is either telling you 1. you make terrible decisions or 2. its time to let go of your hatred of Cage.
I woke up at 5am to tell him I wanted to take his dick on la Tour de France, I might need a nap later
I fell into a police barricade, a cop helped me up and asked if I've been drinking. I just looked at him and said "dude.." He proceeded to take out his handcuffs
I'm very disappointed that your kitten almost ate my weed cake...
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