Tell me why I keep soberly hesitating to go pee in fear of breaking the seal. Thank you college.
Her bed looked like it had just hosted a water balloon fight. It was that good.
Petting the cat and listening to "you've got a friend". This is why I smoke weed. To make sense of situations like this.
Bible prof is the guy I made out with at the gay bar on the fourth. He doesn't remember.
im drinking tequila tonight so will you babysit my bra?
His dad asked what he was doing so he texted his FATHER a picture of me wearing his shirt in his bed.
Come down here. We are watching people walk through the paper we taped in front of the elevator.
I'm going to try to ignore the homoerotic subtext in that last question...
Can we be in one of those super weird relationships where you carry me around everywhere?
Nothing like snapchatring dick pics to a\nMarried woman while your girlfriend destroys Taco Bell in the next room. Almost caught, worth it. Got boobs back
so getting blacked out last night has made my lips so beautifully red for pictures today... and they say nothing good comes from alcohol
You merely adopted the alcohol. I was born into it. Molded by it. I didn't see the hang over until I was a man and by then it was only blinding.
So I'm going to regale you with a tale of someone who went out, was fed way to many shots, got super wasted and now has a date with one of the security guards from the building but has no idea what his name is. That someone is me
I think I gotta smoke less weed, I'm getting to lazy to fuck my girlfriend
I woke up to rachel asking "did anyone else fall out of a tree last night?"
Randomize
