you broke into my aparment at three in the morning wearing long johns and offered me beer.
You say "I'm in class" like it matters... I'm getting a little tired of having to smoke by myself at 4:20 because you're in class.
U asked everyone for their hoodies so u could "safely hug the cactus"
I'm drinking and throwing an enormous tennis ball at children. I couldn't be happier.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
How dare she call you insensitive. Should have told her about the time you let that girl in the wheelchair wearing the sombrero blow you.
Freshman ate returning to campus. Let Operation Slut Storm commence.
She straight up told me, "I don't care if he films as long as he's quiet." You sure you can't find the camera?
I have a huge bruise on my thigh that I am 95% sure is due to you repeatedly throwing me over couches.
You tried to fight everyone, so we kept having her take her shirt off. You were sufficiently distracted...
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
if masturbating while stoned isn't called "weed whacking" then i just don't know how to live my life anymore
I've started brushing my teeth at 6pm, because honestly alcohol is the only thing I consume after that
It feels like the devil is humping my brain with his razor sharp erection.
I'm so hungover I just peed on my hand and left it, didn't wash... Killin it in 2915
A legendary roster of degenerates has been assembled.
I told him I want him to read me my Miranda rights while he's fucking me. Act exactly like he does while he's on duty except with his dick out.
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