I would drag my balls through a mile of broken glass to eat pudding out of her anus
let's have our labels/stereotypes/careers for each kid by next week.
oh how i love working at summer camp.
What is the protocol for an "i'm sorry I had my ex retrieve me from the bar so I didn't drive drunk" blow job
this is getting really bad. i thought the chandelier in the dining room was one of those claws from the claw games in an arcade and i spent the past five minutes jumping left to right so the claw wouldn't grab me
I just found a casserole dish in my oven filled with broken glass, blood, and chopsticks. And the REALLY fucked up thing is that finding it answered more questions than it raised.
Hi, my name is Ashslay and I'll be your designated shitshow.
Or maybe I'll just keep introducing myself like, hello, they call me iane because I need the D. Applications are submitted online, women need not apply.
i have achieved a new state of being which requires no food or water but is sustained only by coffee and pure, unrelenting rage
There has been a song made about you fucking his roommate.
It's destiny.
Like who turns down taking a nap inside of someone in 2014.
Every time I'm hungover I just want to watch Harry Potter and cry.
I AM NOT LOSING TO SOME FICTIONAL CROSSDRESSER
My mom just asked me if I knew what Buzzfeed was. Then said she's watching the second Magic Mike for the bodies. Please help.
What should I list for life skills
How about home wrecking? You’re excellent at that
Hmm...that is a life skill in Southern California
I think she lost me at about the point where the words “Ice Cream Enema” were spoken.
Randomize
