she was so not down for the gang bang
Plan B is the new Plan A
just saw a girl throwing up in a taco bell nacho cantainor going 60 down the highway
and I asked her"are you allergic to condoms latex like your older sister " she said "Idk this is gonna be my 1time"
And then somehow we were arguing over how to fold our arms
why is there an outline of nathan's body on my wall in whip cream?
She came over and gave me a handy and then just lingered for a day and a half. Worst weekend ever.
After he was done he gave me a case of landshark and tickets to tomorrows yankee game. This is the best nonrelationship ever
I'm sorry. But when a stripper driving a Bentley tells me I have potential..... I gotta at least listen to her proposal. God did not mean for me to waste these tits on law school.
I'll never be able to have sex on these sheets. I'd have to cover up the eyes of every single Elmo.
At the gym and this really hot trainer checked me out and was talking to his buddy about his workout. He then says "yeah man, like I'm doing so many reps- what's 7 times 7, 45?"
He was THIS close.
I just got a get of my turf look from a hooker. Apparently, Ninja Turtles T-shirt+Jeans+Flip-Flops=Hooker Gear. Woot.
According to my snapchat story, I tore a fake wig off a security guard and ran away with it.
Fortunatly we found him, he was on my roof. Unfortunatly, we can't say the same for his pants. Still looking. BRB.
Quick question. If you break the bathroom sink off the wall from fucking on it, can you claim it on your homeowner's insurance as a 'natural disaster'?
Randomize
