I chose taco bell over sex...
good choice.
hey dude i know youre in the next room but me and your sister need a condom, got any i could borrow?
Don't remember much from last night, but I recall slipping you the tounge. For that I apologize
Given my current decline of critical thinking and capacity for speech it's probably best u call the cops
I gave her at least chlamydia. Maybe worse. She is also into chicks and loves taking naked pics. It's like the less I believe in Jesus, the more he rewards me.
I just realized I turned down a booty call too. To make cheesecake. God help us all
why would you automatically assume i'm high...
you just told me you're eating the powder of a lemonade mix.
We are keeping it ultra classy drinking 40s and playing croquet with 90s rap blasting in the back ground
The other night I NICELY told her she looked like Jack Sparrow
Is it bad I'm drunk at orientation
You've been there for 12 hours, what are you supposed to be doing
Not be drunk
I just came so hard I growled. Definitely found my gspot.
He came so hard that he yelled what sounded like a spell from Harry Potter.
There is nothing worse then the feeling after you've held in farts all night..
What's his name?
Is it weird that I was turned on when he told me he had a vasectomy?
I knew you two would hit it off
Going to the eye doctors drunk makes you feel like your doing a sobriety test! They have to know..
Randomize
