She's more of a "I'm gonna get herpes no matter how great her face looks like" pretty
We carried on a casual conversation about plants while I gave him a hand job.
Disregard the shoes in the freezer.
I cant be sure, but i think ive been drunk in this church before.
They're having lesbian sex while I play super mario world. I hope they like the music
my neighbors having band practice on sunday morning is a message from the universe that I should stop drinking
No. I either had a 6 minute orgasm or I had so many I lost count. I'm still not sure.
After a roaring rendition of Jay-Z's "99 Problems but a bitch ain't one" I ended up making her cry on her birthday.
all I'm saying is if you're gonna fuck a fat chick do it in a pool it's like zero gravity or something
how did you graduate high school
I need a conscience and I need it yesterday.
We're gonna have to check the security cameras after last night
PSA- Wearing assless chaps results in embarrassingly painful sunburn
I never thought my gollum impression would lead to me getting laid.
Huzzah!
Drunk sex on a hardwood floor is never ever a good idea. Lesson learned.
Seriously considering taking a nap at lunchtime in my car. That. Hung. Over.
Randomize
