You were absolutely insistent that the entire bar knew that it was peanut butter jelly time
We couldn't get our shit together to go to the bar, so we're getting drunk and facebook stalking all the girls who have gotten fat since high school. Any names you wanna throw out?
Just be happy that you're the pretty friend. Otherwise you would have had to walk home alone, like me.
HIS BALLS ARE HEAVEN SENT FROM THE VELVET ANGLES.
I work nights. I sleep in. I take online classes. And fuck bad bitches. I'd say those are some perks to grad school.
I woke up in a stranger's bed wearing nothing but santa socks.
Have you ever looked death in the face and have the urge to shit yourself. I'm in that situation right now.
I woke up naked in this guys bed and the first thing I start saying is it's super bowl Sunday like I was yelling
Which president had the biggest dick?
Take your time, I'll wait
He asked if I had any questions. Apparently, "how thick is the stick up your ass" was not a correct question.
i guess i fuck people who own bucket hats so i can't talk shit
I also fell asleep on the side of a tree so like I hit my lowest point there but it was a good time
Not as bad as when you were sitting in the pond getting fed water
Why am I sleeping on top of the fridge?
You were playing hide and seek with the dog. she couldn't find you and you passed out.
There is a couple fucking in the outback bathroom and at first I thought it was sick but than I remembered my Outback fantasy with you and decided I can't pass judgements.
just had sex in a stairwell with six feet five inches worth of drama
Randomize
