I'm having a terrible night. Can I sleep over?
Too tired to pretend that I care : (
It's like I'm the Little Bo Peep of sheparding dicks.
Only someone with your twisted mind could come up with that simile. Do you sit around and read 'How to turn Beloved Childrens Stories into Sexual Analogies?' This is the 3rd time you've done this.
he pushed my hair back because he said it made me look like kelly kapowski and he told me to call him zach
I kind of wish I was already fat. So I could eat all I want and not worry about getting fat. Cause I'd already be at that point.
what is college for if not random hookup sex?
learning.
i would literally fuck learning if i could.
I think my goal in life now is to be a Trending topic on Twitter after I die.
I mean I woke up wearing my bathing suit which blows my mind
you have no chance. her best friend is a human abstinence poster.
i think i have that disease where you wake up in strange places drunk.
At least drunk me was smart enough to stash toilet paper in my bag before I started my walk home. Finally countless squat pees and wiping with grass taught me to be prepared.
She asked if you knew her boyfriend, and you responded that you "think you gave him head once" and then hiccupped.
He is crying over the toilet and his friends just came in and tried to make him take another jello shot.
Dude of course I want to. Your penis is beautiful.
We just had an accidental Facebook titty pic scare.
I shaved my balls for you. Do you have any idea how hard that is?
Randomize
