dude i dnt kno how, but i think theres a tampon in my butt
Plus she can make a mean sandwich! That's all I really need. Well that and foot jobs...
i am officially better prepared for a hangover tomorrow than i was for christmas.
the "its better than getting an actual virus from an actual porn star" argument failed.
2nd semester senior, always drunk. at this point if i don't get a good parking spot, i turn around and drive home
im breathing rainbows and everyone is talking in bubbles whatever you gave me give me more
Never ever ever ever ever ever give your number to a 30 year old at buffalo wild wings. Ever ever ever.
I'm petty sure you said "hold on let me make my nipples hard, they look better"
hey now, it was 6 bucks for 5 shots. you would have lost your panties too.
We are trying to penis chicken awkward them out. But I think it's a gay wedding. Backfiring. Heavily.
Good morning! So would you prefer me to show up kind of late or on time but looking like I got chewed up and spat out by an episode of Buffy the Vampire Slayer?
It hurts to hear and I can smell shapes.
I'm the kind of gay who carries his anxiety medication in case the club scene gets too fierce
I think that's the first time I had "ass rimming" scroll across my phone at work
Wanna guess where my charger was last night.....in my cooler with my beer. I put it in there because I knew I would never forget my beer.
Randomize
