Excuse me? I'm weird? You're the one sticking your penis into a pringles can.
i kept drunkenly begging people i met to be in my facebook mafia
I'm not a creep or anything, just a lost soul looking for a good lay
My last google search was "mavis beacon techs tping" Thank god google auto corrects bc otherwise i wouldn't know that i drunk-type 13 words a minute.
I would just watch. I wouldn't even have a boner cuz I would do so much coke. It would just be funny.
I'll have to explain it to you tonight when i call drunk. It will sound better
It took him 5 seconds to cum and then he wanted to hold my hand all night
I told you, I don't give a SHIT about their music. I JUST. WANT. TO FUCK. THE BASSIST.
It was over as soon as he asked if he could name my vagina pancake.
Guess who just made out with Sloth from The Goonies!
Literally sitting on my bed in the dark trying not to throw up
Just had to double check that I had pants on. THAT kind of weekend.
Well, I wish you luck on finding out who your boyfriend is
I'm shotgunning a meatball sub and watching flip or flop. i have reached a new level of singledom.
I have sent texts to the pizza delivery guy telling him he was beautiful. Oh and you almost got a ticket for pissing in public. And I smell like cheese.
Randomize
