I'm towing my little brother down the road on a sixty year old tractor, we're taking up the whole highway, and no one cares. I love South Dakota.
She just got back from rehab. You dont celebrate that with margaritas.
My leg won't stop wagging. It's like it's congratulating my vagina.
He said last night that he'd never had such a great conversation and such a great handjob at the same time.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Pretty sure they aren't letting me back to karaoke night after I screamed "fuck every one of you tasteless hillbillies!!" because I felt they didn't clap loud enough for Jen.
Taking shots with an iv of fluids in, because I work tomorrow. That's responsibility. Employee of the month right here.
No, we got so into acting out our role play characters we didn't even fuck. still sucess.
Just woke up in his bed wearing only his shoes. I don't know how to gently say hey dude get the fuck up and take me home....regardless these are some nice shoes.
I'm on a treadmill at the gym ordering pizza on my phone so it'll get to my house around the time I get home. I NEED HELP. Or I'm a genius. I haven't decided.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
She has no problem going ass to mouth, but won't eat the pizza crust. I don't get it.
Never do acid then ask for a blow job while watching 28 Days Later. Heed my advice.
Said he wanted to wear me as a loincloth. Not sure if sexual or predatory
All our friends are getting married, and I'm the dateless guy bringing molly to their weddings.
i woke up fully clothed with teenage dream on repeat. something is wrong with me
I do have a moral compass! I can’t help it if it only points at penises
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