i told my grandma i broke up with my boyfriend. her reply " you need to play the field more anyway"
Vibrator and massage oils got stopped at security. Super.
I am waking up at 7am to go to church with him and his family... I better get eaten out tonight.
He just came into the room wearing nothing but a Speed Racer helmet. I think he just invented a fetish.
Can you pinpoint the moment you decided it was acceptable to trade blow jobs for beers or was it a gradual slide?
I didn't scare your mother by showing up on the roof, did I?
Also txt me when you take your first dump of the year... I'd like to synchronize if that's at all possible.
Last thing I remember was wondering why there was a mirror on the wall behind the urinal and then realizing I was pissing in the sink.
Dude cabbage spilt on the floor, and now danielles rolling it. Happy st party's day.
Want to run by the liquor store later? Tequila Youn should really be in attendance at Party Mountain. No one else could be our spirit animal.
Just had sex to Jesse & the Rippers. Can check that one off the bucket list.
In my defense, who let the drunk girl run around with a sack of broken glass unsupervise?
He has a burner phone just to send dick pics. It's revolutionary
I stopped him mid keg stand to show him how cute my bra was...
I always want to see you. Honestly my only hesitation is that my ass is still kind of sore from Sunday 🥺
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