my roommates friend slept in my bed when i was out of town..she ran out screaming cause she saw my VCR
things it involved: vodka, boy parts, possible photos of me on a cell phone. things it did NOT involve last night: my bra, his pants, and sobriety.
I woke up with ten beers in my bag that hoarded at the party last night. Rally? Its five somewhere.
my coke dealer is running a Black Friday special
Using Dr. Seuss quotes to ask me how badly I want your penis is not appropriate.
You just kept screaming "You are no House!!!" at the ER doc trying to stitch your head
She walked in, looked at the bed, sniffed, sighed, and went to grab her cleaning supplies. I'd say she knows.
Guess which guy you've blown just made me sandwich at subway?
You can come over, sure. But I'll be watching college hockey during the blow job.
Staying in I think. Boyfriend has domesticated me. I'm making eggs naked right now. Also really high.
The bartender from Thursday remembered me... And gave me a FLAMING BUCKET of alcohol.
Agreed. That's like a marriage. For better or worse, till death do us part. I will hold your head over a toilet
AND BY FEELINGS I MEAN VODKA
She came so hard that after she finished, she started a slow clap and then told me she pulled a muscle.
Long story short I shit on a sidewalk while walking with multiple people. Then sprinted around the streets of Tallahassee in only gym shorts as I tore my toga off and wore it as a cape.
Randomize
