help help how do i get him away from me should i talk in a robot voice or something
i spent 15 mins trying to take money out of ATM with my drivers license saying, "what the fuckkkk" everytime it didnt work
Jesus knows you're telling a lie.
Jesus stopped reading my text messages when I started drunk texting boys to hookup
Thanks for stranding me with th douchebag award recipients
curled up in a ball on my bed listening to my "cuddle with a boy" playlist. prettty high.
Her friend drew me a diagram of how we could get away with her giving me a blowjob at work.
i woke up to him dangling his cock in front of my face
Our local strip club now has karaoke. Do you realize what this could mean for my sex life?
He insisted on us having sex while watching the biggest loser and asked me if I could "resist the temptation".
Every man needs a table where they can sit and reflect on the successful penile conquests of the day.
Until they make a bed that bathes you in your sleep, I will not be satisfied.
My 7 yo sister is trying to talk my mom into buying her a strawberry margarita. Happy Cinco de Mayo.
Last thing I remember was a hand in the pants. Then I woke up next to a full beer and a McDouble, which I promptly had for breakfast.
are you just sitting in your hotel room drinking popsicle vodka?
.....well anything sounds bad when you say it like THAT
Who the fuck gets injured on a merry-go-round? HOW IS IT POSSIBLE??
Randomize
