HER PREGGO ASS BROUGHT SPEGHETTI-O'S... IN HER PURSE.
I am officially out of liquor stores within a 15 mile radius that don't recognize me as soon as I walk in the door.
I may still return these pants. Depends how much they smell like alcohol by tmrw morning. I've already spilled once.
Your two fuck buddies playing ping pong together. HOW. ADORABLE!
I'm thinking he has to buy me dinner at least twice before i even start considering casting him for "Fuck buddy - understudy."
let's see, i ended up walking for an hour towards a macdonalds that didnt exist, sprinted full tilt into a powerline, and left a 30 dollar tip to a waitress at dennys we made friends with. I REGRET NOTHING
I can feel my pain tolerance has shot up right along with my libido
Definitely but only if you hit on the 16 year old in the karate class as part of your waffle and gin fueled sexually deprived rage.
there is absolutely nothing wrong with two grown men staying up all night blowing lines drinking white wine and playing call of duty. don't judge me
DUDE. HOLY FUCK MY PRINCIPAL WAS JUST MY UBER DRIVER. I AM LITERALLY TRAUMATIZED. ANS DRUNK. HOLY FUCK OMG
My poor liver. I drank enough on NYE to sustain an alcohol addiction for the entirety of 2015.
I totally just pulled my thong out of my purse at the grocery store. Oops.
My neck is sore from all the headbanging. And I can't tell the difference between the jello stains and cum stains.
I just deff did the walk of shame.. His roommate/manager woke us up. A dog scared me on my stumble to the car.
This is why I'm single.
He’s disease free and drives a Porsche. What else does a girl need?
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