have you seen my purse? i cant find it and my ipod is in there and that shit totally cost more than my abortion.
i knew i liked her after she chugged tequila, fell down the stairs and said "oh dont worry i knew it'd be faster this way"
You gave the cab driver your pants as collateral while you ran in the house for money.
Mass texted booty calls to all the guys I've hooked up with this year to commemorate the end of the semester.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Shitshow foam night was such a success
We couldve played the bring a random boy to lunch game but i made him go home
I'm semi drunk. I just bought you penis moisturizer. Not kidding. Keep an eye out for the package. Merry Christmas.
But college guys get to crossfade so there's that
No idea what that is
Like getting bent? When you drink and smoke together...
I'm 30 stop using your cool kids words
Okay so, sorry but last night we had to put a note on your chest and a key around your neck just so you would make it home.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I really wanted to pound but her roomate was making mac n cheese n shit so I was trying to time her moans to the drone of the microwave
I was laying out of the open window, talking with him on the phone, while we were both puking at the same time.. Guys at the party called it "true love"..
I think I was just recruited to join a religious lesbian cult by these 3 really pretty girls and I'm tempted to join
dollar rum and cokes, see you on the dark side of infinity
You told everyone to shut up then told the officer that you are 21 when you drink.
hey. this is your former cousin. you boned my best friend last night.
Randomize