I kiss like a newly born barfing kangaroo
I'm a gentlemen, chivalry is what i do, i'll open the door, pull out your chair, buy your drinks, i'll even go down first, but when it comes to mario kart, i draw the line. I'm sorry but i just can't let you beat me at mario kart
I legitimately sent him a storybook of naked pictures.
So, I found out he was eating a jolly rancher while eating me out.. Hence the yeast infection.
Last night was just one giant freudian slip.
You made out with EVERYBODY.
Can I just bleach my life?
My bed is full of blood and feathers
Used my phone to vibrate 'eye of the tiger'. It's like Rocky is punching my nuts, but gently.
The great part about clubs is that you can fart everywhere and nobody knows! The bad part is I'm on e and i have nobody to fondle.
hey dude my crackhead idol just taught me a great way to tie shoes
I got titty fucked last night and you're breastfeeding your newborn. Clearly we have gone two totally different paths since 2011.
I woke up on a different floor than I went to sleep on. Can't find my shoes.
What doesn't this kid understand that our relationship is not going past the blacked out blowjob I gave him on his birthday?
I'm tired of you and your emotional constipation. WHY DO YOU CLOSE YOUR EYES WHEN WE MAKE LOVE!?
you know you're sexually deprived when you're holding a warm taquito in your hand and your vagina starts to tingle
That bitch claimed that you said it was ok if she drank your vodka. Obviously she has never met you
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