I just had a girl text me from knoxville "come see me. we'll go for drinks and I can make you breakfast"
how do you like your eggs?
over tits
Her problem is just that he inner beauty is just as ugly as her physical beauty
today was the first day of rush. talking to girls all day makes me sick of having a uterus.
Some fat girl belted her graduation gown. That is not a good look for anyone.
Def walking back to my apt with a blender, an empty vodka bottle, and a half eAtn drumstick cone.
I feel I should make it clear.....I'm not stalking you, I'm stalking ur dick. You don't even need to talk when you get here. At 4am I think we'd both prefer that anyway.
She straight up told me, "I don't care if he films as long as he's quiet." You sure you can't find the camera?
You're the only person I know who could blow literal chunks, laugh about it, then proceed to shotgun another beer. Love you champ.
Can I just have sex with him and then never talk to him? I need him to be the Mr. Miyagi of my sex life.
Whoever roofied me last night owes me a new pair of white jeans
Reminding you of hookups your brain is trying to suppress. That's what friends are fooooooooor...
It's best not to have your booty call on social media. So if they post stupid shit, you still want to fuck them.
Woke up. Found about 20 condoms upstairs. A hole in the couch. Bread on the floor. Going back to sleep.
Its 6:30pm and dad just drunk called me asking me what the alarm code at home is..... I'm at home, and dad isn't here.....
His wife found the thong I “forgot” in his glovebox
Randomize
