I just had sex in the back of an ambulance. Call me.
You were face down, at your computer, surrounded by beer bottles listening a bagpipes version of amazing grace.
Remember that one time i smeared period blood on your face?
I hate you
It was around the time I started requesting "big girl straws" from the bartender for my jack and diets, that I knew I'd probably wake up with my sunglasses on and find my wallet in the shower.
She came to college a virgin and left on court order. We ruined her.
He just came into the room wearing nothing but a Speed Racer helmet. I think he just invented a fetish.
Mike is so stoned. I just heard him quietly mutter to himself "rock a piss" as he walked down the hall to the bathroom
tried to chug a glass full of ice cubes. went better then expected.
I was just asked if I wanted to struggle snuggle. She's a keeper
I'm not having the "why are your fucking my daughter" talk and the "your a drug addict" talk with your mom tonight.
One of the guys I danced with wanted to give me his number so I convinced him I had a photographic memory and that I would remember it.
I mean, the sex was awesome last weekend, but I didn't even imagine I'd reached ovarian rupture status.
I'm facebook/twitter stalking the guy I just slept with as he's passed out next to me. What a time to be alive...
Pretty sure I got pink eye from the strip club. There is also still beer cans rattling around in my shower.
I have to lie to someone and move five gallons of fermenting alcohol across campus but after that i'll hit you up 4 sho
Randomize
