so that wasnt chicken after all
You kept telling the cops that our ice luge was practice for the next winter olympics
He graduated with honors. I've seen him kneeboard on dry ground and run a razor scooter into a wall...anyone can graduate with honors
I never thought your mom would see me throwing up on my hands and knees in your front yard
I can't break up with him, I ran the math. Taking into account his 7 inch penis and the standard deviation from average, almost 90% of guys should have a smaller penis than he does.
Really? Penis math? This is why guys shouldn't date female engineers.
I have to talk to myself and be all "you are NOT horny tonight"
When a man can't even pay attention to you when you're telling him about how big his penis is, there's something wrong
Youre attempt to ruin my night by putting Date Rape by Sublime on my sex playlist failed. She was into it.
Ya I know. She's self aware though, like the terminator. Which is the best kind of crazy
We walked in and someone handed her an unopened bottle of jack with her name on it. She's like a drunken celebrity.
New low reached: a cockroach has actually drowned itself in our dirty dishes. We are heathens. Cleaning dance party tonight. No excuses.
I never thought in a million years that I would have a threesome with my boss and his wife and yet here we are.
Last time I checked he was house sitting for his ex while she was out of town with some new dude. He was crying about how the guy told him to stay out of his whiskey while he was gone. That's whipped
You threw up at the outdoor bar and it was pretty...astonishing just how much can come out of such a small human.
I took out a life ins. policy Thursday. It's okay I can die in Nashville now.
Randomize
