Please stop sending me picture messages of your shit. Seriously. I don't care if it looks like popcorn chicken.
i don't have fun when you have fun. i have embarrassment, fear, and significantly less cash in my wallet.
no sex. but he left me weed, so almost as good.
I have a ginormous moral hangover. Strip club blues.
You did a strip tease for the toilet.
Yeah we call her cincohandjabos because she gave 5 guys handjobs one night in 5th grade
This guys mom bought us a 24 pack and drove me and 8 others to a frat house... Hello moms weekend.
Can we put your name for the shipping address for penis ice luge?
She looks like a hot George Washington...I'm going for it
holy shit I was not prepared for her to whip out that dildo
God is tempting me with everything tonight. Brownies and dick, mostly.
Like why am I even still facebook friends with a guy I let finger me at a concert?
My phone has started autocorrecting "monogamy" to "monogamish"
so.. please tell me you did not really sleep on the washing machine last night
guilty
dude, i told you to rally, so you sprinted upstairs, knocked some girl down, and without missing a beat said, "not now bitch, im in the fucking zone" and took off
Randomize
