I have no voice and feel like lukewarm beer.
I set the bag of cheetos on the open box on my coffee table while I was watching TV. I was so high I ate half of the styrofoam peanuts in the box by accident. Am I going to die?
I hope so
she said i was amazing, then i left to room to take the rubber off and came back to find her masturbating with my xbox controller while niko got a call from roman.
The duggars are the reason premarital sex is ok. Because if you don't have it until marriage you have no self control when it happens. And 19 kids.
Even the bartender felt bad for me
My boobs are too big for things to be going this downhill in my life.
He just kept muttering to himself "stabby stabby stabby stabby" while we were boning. I will never be boning him again.
The gay bar tender told me I looked like Prince William. And that I needed my balls licked.
i broight you flpweers amd vodka. open yoir bask door
I hereby state that I am over the age of 18. If I am not of age to purchase or consume alcohol products, I hereby acknowledge that I have not received any alcohol products from said party host. Also, in the event of injury or death, said party host is not to be held accountable. Please reply with your full name and today's date for your e-signature". *note: no text, no entry.*
Sorry bro, just a precaution. You know, ever since the "Jake incident". What a douche.
Nothing shouts "I'm single" like a thousand needlepoint pillows.
Dude if I call tonight please answer and just say "NO, dont do it."
BAT SHIT CRAZY
It's you're fault, even though I never called
There can only be one screw up per family and I was here first. Get your shit together bro
He is more interested in finding his sweater than he is in having sex with me. It better be a great fucking sweater.
Excuse you? I'm an asshole at least 90% of the time. Get it right.
Randomize
