Do you remember getting into a Delorean last night?
Awww my brother is growing up soo fast!! He just gave me the, "I know you're high but I won't tell mom n dad" look!
I wish I has some fucking Fairy God Parents, I want a kit kat so bad.
He kept saying it was because he was allergic to the chicken. Then he threw up on my mom.
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I just figured out, there are 9 children in this world that I can look at in the face and say "I fucked your mom."
He stripped down to boxers and then started flinging jello shots with a spoon into people's mouths like a catapult.
This is the second time in a week I've woken up with your bra in my bed and I've had to sit and think about how it happened.
okay just a general question, but if i got arrested, who here would bail me out. this is important.
I ended up with bruises on the back of my knees. Tell me again how I did this?
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Bad news: I found out that girl you want has a boyfriend. Good news: she'll probably cheat on him with you. Better news: after seeing the way she treats him, that's the most interaction you're going to want with her anyway. Trust me.
i feel we're the only people who'd use nyquil sexually
Guess who woke up with a hangover this morning? The same person whose parents found out and woke her up by banging pots and pans with wooden spoons.
Come over. And we'll put iced coffee in the bong.
someone at the bars was yelling at the bouncer to let him in because he "just passed through the 7 levels of the candy cane forrest" soulmate?
go meet him and give him your number.
apparently i ended up downloading "thats amore", giving him head, and singing it... all at the same time
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