i just walked passed a table of guys by myself.. they looked @ me talked and then yelled 7
id pin you as more of an 8
Reach down the front of your pants and feel around for a while. When you find your balls, leave the library and meet me at the bar.
whats wrong with me. i have a coffee mug of wine in the library and i'm doing homework
Well he's in a two year college so technically hes a senior. At least can we just pretend I'm not robbing the cradle.
Just checked an empty cooler on the flight to Notre Dame. You don't have to tell me you're jealous, I already know.
If you could come over after class and poke me with a stick to see if im still alive id really appreciate it
Someday, but I will be heavily drugged and there will be no dolphins.
i'm about to be the still-drunkest person on the ellipticals
Ok I'm drunk as fuck already at 529 and this waitress started flirting with me, I wanna bang her for acknowledging my existence
If you ever "miss" working, I'm going to fist you with my hulk hands. BOTH of them.
It's something you'd find in the room outside of Ben Carson's sex dungeon
I really need to stop sending pussy pics if I'm going to be running for state representative in November
Great, now even dream!me is a drunken borderline mess.
Fuck it, I work hard. I deserve nice sex toys
Dude my toilet did not deserve what I just did to it
Randomize
