My ass is singing 4 different tunes right about now... Taco Bell was a bad idea!
The producers of Marley and Me owe me about $5 million. That's the dollar amount of embarrassment compensation required for making a 24-year-old male cry publicly on an airplane while sitting in the middle seat between a gorgeous babe and a guy with a do-rag
CONFIRMATION: i wiki searched it and Justin Bieber is 15 not 13. so i dont feel like as much of a pedofile now....
There comes a time in a man's life when he's almost thirty he just needs to stop watching Degrassi. This is that time.
Waiting outside the STD clinic 30 min before it opens already in a line up. It's like were all waiting for a concert that no ones really pumped for
LOVE ME LIKE A KANGARO LOVES A POUCH YOU DUMB CUNT
I like to keep a steady black out going for the holidays. I feel it makes me less cynical
Totally passed out on the dealers bed after paying him all in ones so no, i dont think i'll be getting a discount soon.
not now. havin a heart to heart with drunk fred flinstone
The nausea has returned and I can't handle such things to exit my body so violently
She's cute. And her snoring noises remind me of the incidental music from Jaws.
WTF moment this morning: we were getting ready to leave and he reaches under his mattress to pull out his gun. All I could do was look at him and go "really?!"
As long as you keep bringing fries home, i'll keep being naked when you get home
So i stood up out of the sunroof while he gave me oral. Car was still moving. Exactly how illegal is that?
Nows a good time to tell him. Just be like "yeah, I used to bang her too and it didn't work out for us either". He'll understand.
Randomize
