I feel like abortions should bother me more
just found my old 10th grade stash of beer in a shoebox. guess who's getting trashed tonight
Stop blaming waffle house for all your problems
She forced me to throw up so it would "rejuvenate" me. It worked and then we took six more shots and did a keg stand. You know what I call that? Friendship.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
It's too hard to jack off and hold an ipad at the same time
This is me reassuring you that I'm still alive and making sure you still are.
I have your shoes, your bike, and someones blue underwear. Round 2 tonight?
I woke up naked in his kitchen...His name is Mike and we're having a "what happened last night" beer.
I woke up with a stapler in my ass. Don't even complain to me.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Where did you go?
I'm not really sure. They have flavored vodka. I like it and I'm never leaving. Ever.
I'm eating tortillas right now. Like not cooked tortillas. Someone is playing the guitar. Man with bandana.
When I die I just want my headstone to my name, date of birth-death, and TEQUILA!!
He got in a shopping cart outside of home depot and insisted we push him down a flight of stairs. For science.
where did we go last night? there's dollar bills all over my room & they're all wet.
So I had this brilliant idea that I would sleep in all sorts of sweatpants and sweatshirts... Apparently I thought I could "sweat" off the drunk in my sleep and that it would make me feel better when I woke up
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