oh no, I think we did it in the 'front asshole'
We are like the golden girls with less cheesecake and more drugs.
Sorry I never got back to you. I got high. I know it sounds like a commercial or something... but its true
i grabbed his hand and told him i loved him and then he looked down and said "i love...mallomars" and shoved like three in his mouth. never been so embarrassed.
Dude, I found another chunk missing out of my tooth. Fuck drinking on tuesdays.
Matt just took me to visit my puke stain from 2 weeks ago at the train station...I'm fucking impressive
all of your clothes are in the front law. btw..sprinklers go on in 20 minutes
i'm already feeling the tequila hangover i'm going to have on friday
In line at the grocery store. The girl ahead of me is in a wetsuit and just bought 3 cases of beer and a bottle of vodka. I want to go where she's going...
It was pretty bad. Like cum-on-my-face-while-singing-Let-It-Snow bad.
he's gonorrhea incarnate
He tried to reenact Braveheart's freedom scream but got tackled by his drunk roommate who thought he was yelling that the handle he was holding up was free.
I mean of all the things to be cockblocked by, Taco Bell is pretty high on the list
Will you still call me Bond when I'm sober?
If you can't trust the person at the taco cabana drive thru, who can you trust?!
Randomize
