dude, best porn name ever, "the Hunt for Red Cocktober"
she uses ice cubes and hums anything I want. Last night was Welcome to the jungle. it wasnt lost on me shes a puma. no shame in that 30+ game.
i felt like the dude nobody likes from the mikes hard lemonade commercial
I had sex with him, and then he gave me a $5 Starbucks gift card. Totally worth it
I mean really it's like when you're super hungry and you can't decide what to eat, you just know you want food. This is that situation, but for my vagina
Hey it happens. Think of it this way- you didn't wake up in jail, your face wasn't inexplicably busted and you still have all your teeth. In this group of friends, you're on top!
Myy bathroom floor makes me think I'm on Mars. Also. Did you realize that yesterday we perfected thee mind high-five??
We got Pizza Hut & Papa Johns, delivered within seconds of each other, and both delivery people did a shot. I was put on Earth for this moment.
I don't want a baby! I JUST WANT AN ORGASM THAT ISN'T SELF INFLICTED.
Also I would love to pregame at your place if I weren't stuck at mine drinking laxatives
I noticed while having sex on Friday that I have great endurance. CrossFit works.
Well, my mom found the ball gag and whip. Looks like I'm never going home again.
Just threw up mid-poop. I can't drink like I used to.
I s2g I’m about to get ghosted by a 34 yr old and my Oedipus complex cannot take it
So I figured it out. There's two types of shitters. Moaners and grunters. And on occasion there's a third. It's the ill fabled grunt moaner.
Randomize
