When the moon hits your eye like a big pizza pie, you're a dumbass
Last night I dreamed I was having gay sex in prison. That's the last time we go to theme night at the club.
Tomorrow will not be complet unless someone eats me out. Just sayin
He made me stop in the middle of giving him a blowjob so he could go get his glasses. because he "wanted to see". I need to stop dating nerds.
What's the protocol on showing a video of me sucking the life out of my ex in order to prove beyond a doubt that I give great head???
I know now the amount of smoke it takes to set off the fire alarm....no longer worried about using the bong...not even close
i'm not sure when i reached "slam my own hand in the door" status but my half attached fingernail is not grateful.
She literally got down on all fours and I swear did a 360 degrees head rotation exorcist barf...and then moaned IT WAS THE TACO BEEEELLLLLL
so no, not her best night
He always finds the good stuff. He's like a truffle pig for bud.
Thanks for getting me stoned. My manager started quizzing me about the menu and I struggled until he asked me to describe the tortilla soup. I said "tasty"
"Masturbate" is an actual item on an actual ToDo list of mine. It is at the top.
I've been vomiting all day.
All day? It's 10am.
When i said i was brazilian i swear to god he started to tear up
Thanks for being my pregnancy scare Sherpa...
I'm sad about how hungover I'm gonna feel tomorrow.
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