Greg found me on xtube. Who knew random hook ups would leave their web cams on and upload it. At least it shows off big penis.
He called me "the Joe Montana of blowies." Not sure if that is an accomplishment or an insult, but going off of the amount of condensation on the windows of my car, I'm gonna just do a little touchdown dance and pass out.
Anywhere you can eat green eggs and ham, you can have sex.
Haha I wonder if my burp offended him. So I gave him a fist pump to signify how friendly I am
i just got painted green i'm not about to leave for anything
Dude they even gave me free lube for being tested! Best. Hiv test. EVER.
this dude just took some girl under your house for half an hour. you may have helped a 17 year old fuck on the beach for the first time. congrats.
Listening to Ke$ha's new single to pump myself up for my STD test.
you were crying saying "if you love me you will find me a loaf of bread"
Girl please we both know I eat his bullshit up like its candy sprinkled with crack
All I know is that I woke up with glitter all over me and blood on my shoes. It wasn't my blood.
You woke up butt naked, peed yourself said something about jumbo shrimp, and passed back out 10 seconds ltr..
Ok, in complete transparency, I am eating a cookie on my bed naked while reading a Halo novel.
I am the worst person to have nipple rings I'm hanging ornaments off of then and sending everyone a tits the season to be jolly
You like that 95% of the time I masterbate I think bout you?
Just wanna know what I can I do to earn the other 5%
Randomize
