yo - did your mom get a boob job (I think she did)
Just saw a group of asian tourists in safari outifts bow in thanks to the starbucks guys. And no Im not high.
why are there post-it notes all around the apartment labeled where you guys had sex and in what position
apparently the dude across the street has been dead for like a month. now I feel bad about pissing on his lawn
Well you are. Awfully cute even. Like baby bunnies. And tiny, tiny penises. You know.
Well good for him for getting your number before he told you he had no money and needed you to pay for his drink!
Last time we had a party like that I woke up naked on the pool table with a chalk outline around me and a empty bottle of jager duct taped to my hand.
Yea. I'm excited about this party too
I did a hand stand against the glass wall at Ziggy's with no panties on and got 3 phone numbers. Thank God I shaved this morning...
He barged in the room with no shirt on, all fucking ripped with a half keg under one arm. Sara now calls him Bronan the Beerbarian
So you're mad that you saw a penis at a swinger's party? That's rational
He's not messing around tonight. 4 fist pumps.
Pretty sure I was impersonating Rihanna when I kept asking him what my name was while we were making out
My liver is whispering mean things about me to my kidneys. It's a fucking miracle I'm not hungover. Lol
He was licking my ear while recommending that I shop at IKEA. I think he's my perfect guy.
Omg I just woke up in his bed.. I'm fully clothed and he is naked. I'm so confused.
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