Ps. The strap-on in the pic i sent you last night was not mine. Just wanted to clear that up.
Remember that time we were in the handicap bathroom snorting Molly at the stripclub. That was a defining moment in our friendship
Sorry for my penis texting you last night, I can't control what he wants at 4am.
If you wake up soonish don't worry. I took your dog to burger king and now we're going to see some nice girls.
he stopped during sex, told me i smelled like McDonald's and went harder..
Part of me was thinking I should go old school and get a chasity belt before the semester starts. Really lock that shit down. But then I thought, fuck that. I'm going to hit that campus like an f5 whorenado
Also his beard was very delicious looking. I wanted to touch it so bad, but I held back.
I remember it because it was right after the sadness and right before the sluttiness. The calm before the storm if you will
You won't wear your Santa suit, I can't get trashed, and you won't use handcuffs! This is the worst Christmas EVER.
Why did I wake up to a snap chat of myself drinking beer out of a blender?
yeah, I woke up with nacho cheese crusted all over my face and head...a lone jalapeno still stuck in my ear...you win this round drunk nachos....
I just caught your son trying to perform fellatio on himself. What do I do?
He’s older
Like “has a job and pays his bills” older or “still watches porn on DVD because he can’t figure out the Internet” older?
Im not as flexible as I once was, but I still managed to get eaten out in the front seat of a hummer behind keddies.
Well, we went shopping. He bought me starbucks and ate me out in the change room at target. If that isnt the best post covid first date, I don't know what is
Randomize
