Yep, it's a dick on our front door. Intentional?
Sometimes, when I'm driving alone I talk to myself in a Russian accent so I think it's my mommy and it calms me down.
if my spotter knew I was listening to the Wicked soundtrack on my iPod, I wouldn't even be mad if he dropped the barbell on my throat
Gonna post on craigs list missed connections - "I was that really drunk bitch that threw up in your car. I'd like to pay for detailing"
These 25 Drunks Should’ve Gotten Cut Off A Long Time Ago
I just had someone I don't even know on Facebook message me saying it seems like I drink too much and should slow down.
Everybody knows the last week of summer internships include showing up to the office hammered and hitting on the CEO
Is it mean to convince my old booty call she used me for sex so I can bang her again before I leave for Denver?
You were buying shots for everyone, saying, "I got a tax refund. I'm a MILLIONAIRE."
Fair enough. Everyone has some guilty pleasures. Yours is yourself
27 Freshmen Who Really Didn’t Know What They Were Getting In To
Why did you make me get in the car with you and then not give me a ride? I woke up in a bar with a blanket on me.
He was literally going down on me and giving me a foot rub AT THE SAME TIME. What more can I ask for?
I felt guilty, it was so good!
Guilty? Oh great, I give the Jewish mother-in-law of blowjobs.
I've been there a week.. I'd rather all my coworkers not know that I'm already sleeping with my boss.
I tried eating pop-rocks while giving him a bj, I honestly think I was more disappointed with the results than he was.
He plays guitar, sings like an angel, and acts like a gentleman. If I don't fuck him by the end of first semester, I'm dropping out