Why don't I have your new number? And who have I been texting?
Jon just got arrested by the quesadilla police
What I actually meant, is I had a quesadilla, and Jon got arrested by the real police
i think the world will end when pigs can fly. think about it, everyone says blah blah when pigs fly. so shit would be going down if they ever can.
oh fuck your right
I think dad's getting high again. His last google search was "awesome ping pong shit."
Guy Accidentally Starts A Group Chat With All The Girls He’s Talking To And Gets Absolutely Roasted
She finally woke up and said, "Me- nothing, potato peeler- 1." And rolled back over.
its not that he announces that he can deep throat a banana its the fact he knows he can and it makes me wonder how he found out
I guess I just got drunk and ordered a mini fridge off the internet. At least now I know the 200$ that was missing from my checking account wasn't spent on lap dances only.
I'm pretty sure blacking out is a coping mechanism.
Guess whose mug shot is NOT on the Internet anymore?!?!
The Internet Is Obsessed With This Stripper Who Dropped It Low Just To Eat A Slice Of Pizza
we need to find an occasion to wear tutus
I'm going to make out with someone. I'm on a mission. I don't even care if I'm wearing beer goggles. As long as he's not shorter than me, gay, or a woman.
She still didn't believe that he would cheat on her so I finally said "how else would I know that his batman mask is still in the back of his car from halloween?" I think she accepted it
I don't know how that blunt survived being in your pocket all night but you pulled it out at 4 am in 7/11 and tried to fire it up. Zero fucks given
I don't want to be "that guy" but I may have accidentally sent a dick pic to your mom
'valentine' just autocorrected to 'cake robe' in my phone
I think that summarizes my life up pretty accurately