How come twittering sounds sexual?
Because of Bambi.
New low. Found an ant nibbling on my last xanax. Flicked it away and popped it in my mouth anyways.
I just bought a large Pizza and Xanex in the same store...my night is complete
Well, if your day started with strippers, then we're tied. Otheriwse, I'm winning.
You nicknamed her "lazy eye" and were screaming across the bar at her to buy you a drink...
best line ever after sex today..."wow, that was a porn-star sized load"
You both must have been completely wasted because every once in a while we would hear you both stop and start singing to each other. At one point it was taylor swift.
Haha, you kept saying the cop was going to give you a ride home b/c "that's his job, it's summer."
All i know if I'm throwing uo into a bag with a smiley facE on it right now and this is not a smileuy face time right nowe
I was just handed a bible on my walk of shame....are you there god? its tequila tuesday's hangover
I just stuck my fingers down her throat so she could puke. I mean what are friends for
Oh my god she just threw up on her dog
Look at you go. You're like the Slutty Librarian that Could. They should write children's books about you. Children's books for adults.
You were greeting everyone with " Hi I'm Jess show me your dick" whether they were dudes or not.
I can't turn off my feet"
We're now referring to our nightly Skype time as "strokes of genius." Long distance sucks.