Dude im not sure whos apartment i woke up in but i just showered here and their shampoo in phenomenal
Herpes is a lot like Arnold Schwartzenneger. Because it always comes back. Also, because it is usually in some way in control of California.
And we started making out. She asked me to pick a number between 1 and 10. I said 6. She took me to her room. A few minutes later I wasnt a virgin. DUDE I WAS GOING TO SAY 2.
While I was fucking her, they came in and served us both weed from a hookah. best. friends. ever.
when a girl feels in her heart, the way she feels in her vagina, anything is possible.
just found gum connecting my sunglasses to my floor board. you don't want to know where else it was.
Pretty sure God shed a tear when I put 15 singles in the collection plate.
With your fertility you would just get contact pregnant
I have a huge bruise on my thigh that I am 95% sure is due to you repeatedly throwing me over couches.
My unemployment came through so I'd like to thank the taxpayers of Utah in advance for my level of intoxication this weekend
I just want to like rub my face on his abs
I need help
You were naked with a chalice of Skittles vodka, singing along to Les Miserables.
BRING KITTENS I AM A GENIUS
Had an orgasm and got a charley horse at the same time. It was a multi-purpose scream.
Well my summer has already been productive. I partially caused a divorce.