i just had a dream that i could control how black Will Smith was with a remote.i need to stop sleeping with the TV on
an unopened bag of salt and vinegar chips... probably the best thing I've ever found in my room while high.
You don't even know the meaning of faking an orgasm until you sleep with an uncircumcised ginger.
There's a pair of socks on the bar. No-one's questioned this.
this is not the first time I've had hot dogs and 151 for thanksgiving.
Not sure. All I know is that she has a tight dark green skirt and I will not rest until I have used my teeth to rip it off of her
Its not that I don't mind giving her as much as my penis as she wants, its the post sex cigarette I have to supply. Shits $9 a pack.
Put a tip jar next to your bed from now on.
Your good ideas are reason #4 we need to live together.
Ran into his sister at the gym and hit it in the parking lot. I dont even feel like a bad friend she got a boob job and lost 20 lbs its not even the same sister
WTF? Why is there a pic of my tits in ur dad's office?
Of course, you have to give the courtesy text like last night when I told you my dick was gonna smell like peppermint
Dude, I'm not going to use a butt plug.
He's a real gentleman. At least he tried to flush my closet's handle after he pissed in it.
My vagina has made plenty life decisions and I would like to point out very few if not any of them were in my favor.
I found one of those wine glass confetti bits in my ass crack.
You're the best thing in my life, followed closely by cannabis and trashy romance novels