Ok, but just to warn you, I'm as drunk as a Kennedy right now...
Every time we have sex I can't stop thinking about Jesus
Wish I didn't live with 3 girls so I could beat off in peace.
It's kind of sad that your greatest accomplishment today is that you stood up and didn't fall down.
New York to be Host to America’s Biggest Singles Event
He refused my I'm sry gift of ANAL. That's how angry he was.
Guys, I'm sleeping in the BOYNTON LAUNDRY ROOM. if you can, come let me out in the morning as I have no keys. I might be in the study room possibly. DON'T FORGET. I will be trapped
Having him as a wingman is like telling the girl you already have aids
I don't know what I wash first. My body or my puke painted car. People are judging me as I drive by.
So I'm at the VFW tonight and the shot special here is straight 151 for 2 dollars. They must hate our livers
Kylie Jenner Wasn’t in the Kardashian X-Mas Cards & the Internet is Losing it
I'm currently being signed up to be painted nude for a college art class. ah yes best high decision ever
So I fucked him. Then I MC Hammer'd to the bathroom, where I did the robot in celebration of my accomplishment. And then I spent 10 mins fixing my toilet. But YOLO.
I've decided to take one for the team and bang the landlady for lower rent.
the only reason I'm still sleeping with him is to get the university's secure wifi password
I woke up naked wrapped in a wolf blanket on the bathroom floor
I despise everything about her. Except her tits.