you took a scissor and started screaming "I WANNA KNOW WHAT ITS LIKE TO BE BALD"
I don't think my arm is broken I can still text
I just tipped the cab driver with pistachio nuts. And he loved it.
Safe to say I relapsed into my old chatroulette drunk flashing days.
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I feel like the only phrases I can clearly speak while drunk consist of: i'm fucking drunk, chug, and shots
well hes been the bathroom for like 15 mins so he either feels comfortable enough to puke/ shit in my apartment or he escaped out the window
How many of my tattoos need to be visible for an outfit to be considered "see-through"?
I left for five minutes and Chris wound up half in women's clothes, half naked. And the naked half was covered in shamrock stickers.
you texted him "it's time for the no pants dance", please get your tubes tied.
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Ran into him again last night, stole his glowstick and walked away. The glowstick mountain in my room keeps growing.
Don't laugh, but I might need some advice on how to ride a crooked dick.
I fully committed to my astronaut costume, to say the least. blacking out on moonshine and having a moonwalk of shame this morning: happy Halloweekend.
we watched a porno and made a drinking game out of it. best first date ever.
I'm glad I can share my workout progress with you via my nudes
I couldn't really understand you because you were really quiet and I said "I don't know what you're saying, it's kind of a big mumble" and you said "that sums up my life"