my friend just told me "I dunno what u r doing but keep doing it cuz it makes u look fabulous"
LOL that's cool. Guess u r gonna have to keep doing me
My hand turned me down
I must say your penis is just as photogenic as you
also. he gave me a foot massage during 69ing when i got a cramp. he's a winner.
The bartender gave me a roll of masking tape so I could tape my heels to my feet so I wouldn't lose them when i went drunk running later that night
i'm not entirely sure that 'not getting kicked out of the bar until it got dark' really classifies as 'doing better'
don't judge, it's breakfast wine Wednesday.
pregamed for the floor meeting. so stoned. i keep thinking my RA is shrinking.
I wasn't that drunk, I know my limits. When peeing became difficult I stopped taking shots.
i just added a shot of fireball to my iced coffee. goodbye sobriety.
Got a snapchat from Megan last night showing you sobbing about a burrito on the floor with Dan in the background trying not to laugh his ass off
SShout out to Barney the Dinosaur for teaching me how to sing the ABCs backward. I just scored a free pitcher.
The hot streak continues..if life was NBA jams i would be "on fire" right now
You "drove" the computer chair around the party for a good fifteen minutes. you would crash into things, freak out, and yell for an ambulance.
Bro I rebuilt the dungeon in animal crossing visit me
Broooo
Randomize
