the the hell do you 'accidentaily" jizz on a shirt thats folded in a drawer?
Just saw 2 very young girls abandon baby buggys in the Xwalk to fight. Gotta love Holyoke.
Billy Mays died!
I know. And the US is beating brazil...what's wrong with the world?
One of her kids, Dakota I think, got stuck in a ceiling fan and she had a fit, thats when she found the penis hat.
He fingered me while we both sang the fresh prince theme song.
Marry him
Apparently, banging my bartender ex-girlfriend = free drinks again. Not every bad decision is a wrong decision.
woke up with a used condom shoved in my ear. i officially hate alcohol.
I will suppress my appetite by doing shots then passing out
its not that I hate him, it's just that I wish his penis was attached to someone i like more
I offered to give him "road head" while he played GTA 5. I think he will be more optimistic about date night in the future.
fuck Derek. I choose weed. weed isn't angry and would never ask me to be someone I'm not.
so i woke up at six am and his bathroom was flooded. i think i fucked shit up in my sleep.
There are horrible decisions in life and then there are tequila flavored moonshine decisions
Whenever you have to pee or whatever I'll be over here to harass you
Tell me I'm drunk and you have to come get me. It's usually true. They'll believe you.
Randomize
