I saw his package. It spoke to me.
These people need to leave so I can have rum and Doritos at work like every other American.
how do we leave politely?
Tell them I'm going into labor. I will spill a beer and tell them m water broke.
at 4 in the morning i heated a family sized mac n cheese for a minute and decided to eat it frozen cuz I didn't wanna wait for that long
It's just my hair. It brings natural happiness. Like goldfish, big boobs, and milkshakes.
The chlamydia really affected his face.
oh god my hair smells like rotten vegetables, sweat, and tequila. I wanna party with your neighbors every night.
Idk I somehow continue to get laid by pulling my dick out and reciting the 3 world country orphan kid commercials
Honestly, if you can handle putting socks on you can handle a condom.
I just spent an hour in the shower pretending I was a member of the b-52's. I can't go to work like this
I bet, I woke up to you like naked at 4 in the morning shoving a sandwich in your face
Hey can you send me a copy of my mugshot? I need it to prove a point
Just delivered a pizza to a holiday inn and a delivery driver from Me n Ed's walked up at the same time, we both were going to the same floor so we stood in the elevator making small talk about delivery stuff, but a small part of me wanted to deck him, stand over him and shout,"FOR THE HUT MOTHERFUCKER, FOR THE HUT!"
Jesus christ, don't start a pizza delivery gang war.
So I woke up really sad and then I looked in the cabinet and there was weed and now I'm not sad anymore
I crawled to the bathroom this morning there were cornpops scattered on the floor? What was I doing last night?
Randomize
