We dont have to go to dinner or anything gay like that. I just wanna do it.
I absolutely love you.
i think im the only person who makes thank you cards for their drug dealer
I just got a booty call..Its 6 pm..a brave attempt to climb the rotation ladder..I like his ambition.
Turned out the thing on the lampshade was a bloodstain, not a bedbug. We feel much safer now.
I guess I'll put a green shirt on. Also, I just snorted some protein shake power. That doesn't have anything to do with St. Patrick's Day. I just wanted you to know in case i die.
I'm soaked in champagne. I'm eating oatmeal from mcdonalds tonight was glorious
My mother walked into the bathroom at 345 am while I was splashing in the bathtub with the remnants of her birthday cake all over me... she looked at me and walked out...
You're telling me you've never sent a picture of your cock to a girl and then were all like "Oops, sorry, wrong person! By the way...You like?"
Well, that now makes it the 4th girlfriend in a row to cheat on me. I don't even care anymore...I'll date a prostitute and not even worry.
I'm a terrible friend...i should have come right over instead of having sex for an hour and a half. :/ want anything from burger king?
We had sex to beyonce's "drunk in love" and then he order me pizza. It was perf
Tequila Tuesday.. tonight is the night I defeat the liquor.
I have class at 8:30 and I am not bailing you out of the drunk tank again.
this weekend took five years off my life and what was left of my dignity
he told me that he only likes small dogs. I should have known he was going to end up being little bitch.
I'd kiss your neck and collarbone and then run my tongue up your neck to just behind your ear
And then lightly kick the curve inside your ear
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