he told my vagina that he was looking forward to meet it
They need a stunt cock, be about 20 more minutes.
Chelsea handler, $19 million - Forbes women top 100. Seriously she shaped her career around her love of vodka. HERO.
He gave me his number and said the usual call whenever you need someone but then was like... or just call me.
You would pick up a guy in AA.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
After he came all he could say was how great the lighting fixtures where in my apartment.
I can't stream porn because Xbox live is taking all the Internet. I thought having a male roommate would make life easier.
Haha you were definitely messed up. Let me know if you need anything
Could really use a time machine and a higher self esteem, in that order
Sometimes I envy you, when I'm not praying for your soul.
I sobered up in the middle of it, that I was hooking up with him in a rosemary bush. I woke up smelling like a pasta dish
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I will kill you in such a brutal way if you ever de-pants me again on the dance floor it will make the stock market ticker
I got a blow torch for Christmas. You are now permitted to be afraid.
It's been two dates and she just invited me to her aunts funeral. I can't even. Who the fuck does that? I need to drink I'm coming to get you in 5
And I'm bringing my coffee cup of wine.
i feel like if we ever had babies together they would just be drunk all the time
i dont believe you. i want proof. if you end up at a hospital send me a pic.
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