Are you dead
Yes
Oh man
Someone fed me too many chicken nuggets and sexed me too hard
I can't believe he cheated
Whatever. Anytime she has an orgasm, it's because I taught him how
Add "its too hot" to reasons why I don't get fucked anymore
theyll ask where you are and ill say on a date crying in a sombrero
like that time i did too much ghb at gay pride
i think i can safely say that is the weirdest thing you've ever propositioned me with. so obviously my answer is yes.
You stole a frozen pizza from the freezer, stuffed it in the back of your shirt then proceeded to leave the party.
Don't let me forget to bring the toilet inside tonight.
Apparently drunk me thinks it's a good idea to put drops of acid in assorted open drinks in the fridge... This should be a fun week.
Im the proud new owner of the campus speed bump sign
I had a dream where I was about to fight you but you were dressed like a greek god and had just killed a werewolf with your bare hands
well we called the liquor store to tell them to stay open five more minutes so we could make it and they recognized our voices. I've never been more proud.
Shirtless guy staggering down the sidewalk, puking into a Prada shopping bag. Ahhh, the walk of shame in Boystown.
Are you drunk already?
Not already - at LAST.
my nurturing instincts told me to take his clothes off
What do I have to do?! Spell it out for him? Why can't he just plow me and pull my hair at the same time
You are my new hero
Randomize
