It smelt so bad when i tried biting off her underwear that i didn't want to touch with my mouth
I'm going to appeal my grade. Is it better to look studious or slutty?
dont be like that, i wasnt picking him over you. I was picking multiple orgasms over zoolander.
im already regretting the extreme lack of break up sex that took place
Things I woke up with this morning: half a mcmuffin, orange hair, one shoe and a friendly german man. Tequila was a brilliant idea.
Listen, it's not like I meant to bust the window out. It just sort of happened. And I'm also sorry for stealing your dads bandanas.
Weekday college schedule so far: get high as tits. Watch Family Guy marathons. Repeat.
Never use fire and ice condoms with a dude who always claims he "didn't know it was the wrong hole"
I'm pretty sure our sex is better than most foods and that says a lot too bc I really like food
Just ate Panda Express. Fortune cookie had no fortune in it. I actually prefer this. Less broken dream potential.
The only people who really get me are strippers and mascots for sports teams.
Oh man I knew I took that Molly too soon, talkin to some Scottish people lol but don’t like rollin in pizza restaurants.
you fell asleep with her panties on your face. how are you surprised??
It’s so white trash that I almost have to have it.
This is going to be so stupid, but do you feel the calluses on my hands when I give you a handy?
Randomize
