I got into an eating contest with Christina. I ate 6 oranges.
Why? Who won?
we don't know. we ran out of oranges.
i think the semi hot bartender might actually be a man in drag..on a similar note, what are you drinking?
proudest moment: just made a guy walk into a parked car with his mouth hanging open cause of the shirt im wearing.
I just counted my steps so I know when you start looking for you on my way back from the bathroom
You know how us drunks love counting steps
when we were having sex and i started crying and telling you i missed you..why couldnt you stop and tell me how you felt or make me feel better?you kept going...
Just puked up hair, tacos and vodka. Hello Memorial Day weekend.
Don't do anything you wouldn't want to explain to paramedics
But that's half the fun of it
Call me as soon as you're able to dial a phone. I just took a shit behind a building in broad daylight and need to get the fuck outta here soon.
Seriously what kind of college town is this? Nobody parties during the week or abuses perscription drugs
Literally got mad at him this morning because we didn't have time to have sex for a third time. I think I'm getting greedy.
I found a video on my phone from last night... You got up on the table at McDonald's and screamed BURRITOOO!
Of course, it's a law of friendship. "Thy friend Shalt always hold hatred for thine friend's swinish ex"
Is that your mom climbing in your window dude
How good was the sex? She sent me a fruit basket the next day.
Never in my life have I been so excited to nap as I am right now.
Randomize
