Stop bringing these fucking whores home with you. If I have to fight over the remote with a bleach blonde idiot wanting to watch the hills reruns one more time I'm pissing in your shampoo.
I'm sorry i'm just too high to handle anything besides pirates of the caribbean right now.
i guess its officially winter break. i woke up alone and fully clothed this morning.
So apparently when I was 2, I went around drinking everybody's beer at some wedding, then passed out in a corner....
This explains a lot.
I feel like after all he sees, the dog needs to get baptized.
A 300 lb dude in a sundress yelling bible verses while wearing a raggedy anne wig is just as funny as I thought it would be. Thank you san francisco.
The bartender just told me he would have me face down in his pillow by the end of the night. I hate when you make me go to gay clubs.
There was an ice luge. Lets just leave it at that.
BRILLIANT IDEA: In honor of summer olympics we need to start a synchronized drinking team.
this celing is unfamiliar to me... im just vaguely wondering where i am. but not quite concerned enough to do anything about it.
I just tried to order ice cream on my bagel. I think I should just call it
You asked to borrow my glasses for a moment. Then you whipped them at someone's head.
Dad literally changed the channel from an episode of Big Bang Theory to another episode of Big Bang Theory. That's why I hate this show.
ever feel bored AND lazy?
I call it "awake" but yeah...
we went to the skate park then back to her house for dinner, and somehow that ended with her making me blueberry pancakes at 2am
Randomize
