Is licking assholes a new fad or something?
last night was fun... but i spent all morning tring to get the candle wax out of my chest hair. We did use candles last night?
I realized today that I should stop thinking so much with my vagina instead of my brain.
Please tell me this doesn't mean another "surprise road trip" where I spend all my money on gas and the SURPRISE destination is the abortion clinic.
But what if I pay for the gas?
So, apparently, "i expected your penis to be bigger" isn't good pillow talk.
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You tried to poop in the sink last night.
Whales. Broccoli little trees giant. Magic in cat form. I want my loco and juice. Black in shower. Brb remember life.
Tonight that bitch will not be with him. You will drunkingly talk him out of this wedding. It is your duty as the one with the least amount of soul. Good luck.
So glad I decided to show up and puke in your trashcan.
These are the moments that bond souls forever.
haha it's ok, I asked people. I was like "I'm high and lost" and the dude just said "That's my life. Love it."
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
This summer has already been like the best summer ever. FREEDOM IS AWESOME. GOD BLESS AMERICA AND GOD BLESS THE SINGLE LIFE.
Ok I'm drunk as fuck already at 529 and this waitress started flirting with me, I wanna bang her for acknowledging my existence
I should get an "I gave blood today" type of sticker, but instead it would say "I went balls deep today"
passed out on bart again and decide to bike home. biked thru a goat farm of angry goats, biked on the freeway, got stopped by the cops, and sat shotgun in the squad car while the officer driving got a video on his iphone of his partner riding my bike on the freeway.
He pulled out a Plan B pill and handed it to me as I left like it was a party favor. God Bless America.
I love how we can bond over the fact that we're the only ones who think the guy I drunk hooked up with looks like Voldemort
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