I opened up her dishwasher and all I found was a spoon, a juice glass and all her sex toys.
New thing to add to the list of never wanted to talk about with my grandma: sweating in ur crouch and vag area
It's like she bought one bad life decision and got one free
Ok, so for future reference, in Rome, "piano bar" means "brothel".
It involved homemade coconut rum, a waterfall, and street signs. I'll leave the rest to your capable imagination.
just a question.. totally understand if you dont know what im talking about.. but.. do you have my funnel? i think i tucked it in to your bed last night.
I already wrote the apology to my liver. He knows whats up
Found out why I didn't have to go drug test. My boss grew pot to pay for grad school.
Call me as soon as you're able to dial a phone. I just took a shit behind a building in broad daylight and need to get the fuck outta here soon.
Then again, he has huge mansions.
*manboobs.
Only you could successfully troll for dick at a Hillel bake sale.
Also, totally got laid in my yellow rubber boots and it was awesome.
You tried to tip the Uber driver with a meatball sub. Then, when he refused your meatball sub...you demanded he take you to the corner with the hookers. The valet has your keys and water balloons. I'm glad you're only in Chicago for the weekend.
No, I'm not a heathen. You two are the heathens, I'm the whore.
Dude I just woke up naked on the floor with my dick in a boot. Legit in a fucking boot. I also have no idea where I am.
Randomize
