i'm pretty sure you said "blowjob marathon" lastnight
i totally said that
Currently flirting with a 57 year old. Why do i do this
I inspected his penis with a mini flashlight to check for visible stds...he was clean
I think you have the right to know, the water bottle you drank out of the other night is the bottle we use to catch what drips from the toilet. Love you!
Well pretty sure I lost 3 of my best friends in one week. Remember when I said I wasn't sure if I was gonna be a better person or a more despicable one in 2012. Despicable wins.
Crazy how fast a room full of drunk teenagers sober up when someone breaks his parents' new flat screen
he said verbatim, he wants to "bang you hard".
i officially have over $300 in my bank account. that's a year's worth of chipotle.
You ever fart so hard while you are asleep that you wake up screaming?
I think I'm destined to be the stoner version of one of those successful but emotionally unavailable characters Sandra Bullock always plays in movies
i love it when bitches who pick on you in high school get fat. thank you facebook you have made my day.
Can we start referring to attractive men as "A fine piece of dick?"
I was giving him head and he slipped one of those hats with propellors on top on my head.
I miss you and I miss your weed. Come home.
She climbed in my window blew me and left. She's in my phone as the blow job fairy
Randomize
