Ehh boy. FML. she was unattractively large.
Came home and the girl was sitting on the steps "talking" on her ipod touch AND was halfway done eating a raw cucumber.
I'm still reeling over the fact that you beat us all at Risk while you were flat on your ass drunk and falling asleep on South America.
While I was fucking her, they came in and served us both weed from a hookah. best. friends. ever.
he kept asking me "do you love it? tell me you love it" as I was riding him.
and...?
I told him it was alright.
I wish a night of watching Dear John and a bottle of wine could cure my herpes.
They're doing a Bong-A-Thon for 4/20. I don't care if you quit. You are coming out of your weed retirement for this.
An old lady WILL get vomited on today.
She is the epitome of a puke & rally. She picked a random hott guy at the bar & made him pinky promise not to leave while she took a power nap. She went & passed out in her friends car & apparently puked just outside the bar. She stumbled in & found the randome guy again & claimed she was golden. Made it to the after party & stayed up til 6 doing body shots off every girl she saw & hooked up with the random from the bar. I love her life
Was he good-huge or like "what the fuck do i do with this"-huge
Just fat and dog and sweat all over the bed. All night long.
being serenaded is actually kind of awkward 2/10 do not reccommend
How exactly does a handjob become fancy?
Blueberry lube, and champagne.
It's very rude to dive mouth-first into someone's crotch without knowing if their wife is cool with it.
Why in the hell is there a guy dressed up as a horse passed out in our kitchen.
happy birthday!
Randomize
