I think I kinda wanna bone that ginger from Harry Potter.
You literally just made my flesh crawl.
but, i was nude. you really should respect my stupidity and delete them. please.
You can't date a girl from every country.
I'm the captain planet of women
I love Japanese schoolgirls with short skirts riding bikes on windy days.
You're never coming back, are you?
Always fun waking up to 911 as your last dialed call.
You told me when we were leaving the club if I could pin point your nipple through your padded bra you would show me if I was right.
Want me to give your number to an army recruiter?
I don't know... do you want me to use your number to sell used gay porn on Craigslist?
I sense beginning a prank war would end badly for both of us.
Just made a list of all the guys I've hooked up with. "Roofie tattoo eyelids", "xanex night guy", "rainy concert", "cory blanket" and "naked hottub guy" made it.
My shoe was in my mailbox this morning. I can't stay sober today.
If you wondered to yourself today, "did Sarah break her bathing suit strap and flash a pool full of children," the answer is yes.
my question is who was more confortable? You sleeping on the floor or me tweeting from a bush?
My sister just showed me a snap chat that I don't remember sending, it was a picture of me with two big macs in my bra with just the words "BURGER TITS"
I buy a new bowl every time I get a new guy. It's retail therapy.
I FEEL LIKE HILARY MUST FEEL WHEN TRUMP MANSPLAINS AT HER
I better get weekly incoherent text messages or I will assume something is wrong.
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